Waiting For the Ho

I am on a boat:

like a boss

Finished King’s Quest II today. God damn, what an annoying illogical game. God damn, do I love that shit.

It assumed so much time on behalf of the player — time spent exploring, time attempting to manipulate the items, time learning how not to get killed. They made the game with the idea in mind of a player who has a personal computer. It sounds assumptive now, but they marketed directly to the people who would happen to have a computer in the 80’s. The assumptive thing was that they assumed players would spend all this time learning how to solve the puzzles.

And the best players surely did, but I think I always used ended up using hint books. Like a total pussy.

I’m unbelievable. I wouldn’t have been able to finish KQ2 today were it not for the Internet. Of course, I WOULD be able to play it without the Internet, but it would require firing up the old PC — and that is a waste of electricity now. But I swear by that Boxer app, and it continues to delight the living hell out of me.

I do have the original game disks for King’s Quest II. They are three and one half inch discs, which I believe refers to the diameter of the floppy disc film that spins inside in the disc’s black plastic casing. Or was it blue? But I have them, all right.

Huh. Floppy disk. Donkey disk.

So I began King’s Quest III immediately upon completion of II. Now I know everything there ever was to know about King’s Quest III — you can probably find a photograph of me receiving KQ3 for my seventh or eighth birthday. I remember displaying it in an autobiographical school project. “What a surprise!” was the caption to that photo. It was one of my early attempts at irony.

And now I am on a boat.

And I’m waiting for the pirates to say “land ho.” That is the indication that it is okay to lay out the sleeping powder, recite the incantation, and get the fuck off that boat. Ah! Here we go:

"Slumber henceforth!"

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