Aside from hypocrasy…

I fear two things in life: red lighters and updates.

A long time ago, in a land I once grew up in, it was determined that red cigarette lighters were bad luck. Anyone who mocked the potential for disaster by employing one was inevitably payed off by scornful authorities.

“Don’t use it. We’re serious.” And of course, they would use it anyway and then they would die.

No, that never happened, although I would often exchange lighters with someone just to destroy theirs and rid the world of another red abomination. The whole legend could take years to tell.

Anyway, my Xbox broke this afternoon when I downloaded an update for it. My fucking luck: I had just bought many Microsoft points, and as I unwrapped the card wrapped in a plastivelvet CD case inside a cardboard cover with plastic packaging, my Xbox asked me if I wanted to download an update for it.

There’s an entry somewhere in here where I can better describe my convictions that updating anything (including your own blog) USUALLY makes it worse. In this case, it it made it WORST.

“Wouldn’t it be a scream,” my brain said as I set to the plastic wrap, “if by downloading and installing this update, it totally bricks the system?” I tried to push the thought out of my mind and concentrate only on the sheer joy of finally downloading and playing Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and Limbo…

Holy shit… Scott Pilgrim vs. Limbo…

I peeled the protective wrapping off my points card. This card would be worth 1800 Microsoft Points. More than enough for the two purchases. The patch or whatever downloaded, and installed (I guess?), and the system reset.

The cheesy green spiral of the Xbox 360 Power Screen froze mid-swirl. Should I have waited? How long did I wait? A minute? About? What did I do wrong?

And then I realized that the update had fucked my system. I turned the power off and back on. I did it again taking cables out and replacing them with their analog equivalents. I toggled the TV controls. I turned on the Xbox again, this time WITHOUT being plugged into the TV.

I don’t know why I did that last one.

But the results were the same. Freeze during the Power Screen animation, and eventually just casting black, black, and black again until the power lamps finally grew red. They were red as hell and red as fuck, and I packaged that son of a bitch up to go get fixed by the cheap gnomes that work at Softmap. You’d better fix that shit quick, guys.

Anyway, why not download the code for the Xbox Points for yourself? I will hide the message over my next series of blogs, which I will call: Diamonds of Sierra


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