You Know What with You Know Who part IV

Does your family have a history of Skyrim addiction?

I realized just what a potent, life-threatening disease addiction is this morning when I woke up at 4:15 a.m. (5:00 just couldn’t come fast enough) to play that goddamned Skyrim. Well, okay, maybe I was a bit freaked out by the realization as I sat there fed and baked and blessed. And fucked. I play this game way too much, and write about it even more. There’s a part III to the last series which hasn’t even gone up, just sitting in my outbox. I’ll just fuck with time a little and release that later when my Jacqwhortz wad is fully spent.

Jacqwhortz… Jacqwhortz. Jacqwhortz is not the only McGlockenspiel to go on an epic adventure like this, but in the etchings of time, he may be the oldest. I played Fallout 3 with a total jerk named Jerquin McGlockenspiel, and Fallout: New Vegas with the dreaded cannibal war-mongerer, Jacklyn McGlockenspiel. Are they related? Who knows.

Jackwhortz awoke in the Pelagius Wing of the Blue Palace after having won the trust of the Jarl’s Falk Falkerfist or whatever. Proceeding would take him into a strange dimension haunted by the Daedra of Madness: Obnonxicunt or whatever. I knew because I had failed the quest within once, but not again. I’m happy to say that I restored the sickened mind of the late Uriel Septim the III or whatever. No biggy, but I walked away with the cursed tool of mischief, the Wabberjock or whatever. Nice gift for the Thieves Guild when I get back from eviscerating Mercer Frey with a tuning fork. His name I fucking knew.

Unfortunately, I could not get near the bastard, even after warping to Whiterun, mounting Frost, and heading northeast along the river. My destination was nigh unreachable, and Frost fell off a cliff once trying to get there. It was sad. We actually got killed a lot before we even found the neighboring structure to our current goal. It was snowy, up in the mountains, ruinous, and sparsely populated by bandits. My goal was an ancient Dwarven mound of some kind that would no doubt turn out to be a horrible labyrinth built deep into the cold mountains.

You know, I can’t remember what happened after that. Saved and went to work, I guess. So, I guess I’ll just do that or something.


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