Frostbitin’ Varmits

I’ll tell you how ironic it can get. It can get damn ironic. And as one of the scions of the word “ironic,” I can tell you without question that the game freezing as I fought a frost dragon, ie, a dragon that freezes, is fucking ironic. And funny! And would have stayed funny if it didn’t happen a second time the next morning.

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I’ve been noticing more and more bugs in the game, which is strange, as I had little to no problem playing through when I was an orc, whose two-handed attack I miss. In that 100 hours on my then new PS3, I’d say the game crashed around 12 times. Fallout 3 on an Xbox? 101. Fallout: New Vegas? A hundred-and-fuck.

By the way, the Xbox One? I could give a fuck about. I could, but I won’t. Actually I, I lied, I can’t. Corporate policy.

But let’s get back to the irony. Or flashback. Or whatever.

It happened again, and now I was getting quite annoyed, because I had fallen to this dragon about a dozen times, and it kept killing my horse as well. It was super annoying when my auto save put me right outside the ship that I had just ripped off (of some crystal blue persuasion, I might add), and I had to run, up over the great arch of Solitude only to find my horse slain, again and again. Each time I loaded, I had these opportunities as I ran from the docks to try to distract the dragon from attacking my horse above the arch, but I couldn’t do it. My arrows flew too slow, too late, or with too much weakness (must increase stamina!). Firebolts were no more successful. Frost died as if he was meant to die. So I considered giving up the horse for a moment, but I fared no better against the dragon even after Frost was dead. And then I thought, “Frost?”

As I tracked the dragon now fleeing battle to the west I thought, “It’s that damn horse that’s freezing the game.” Frost. Freezing. Ha ha. And then I thought, “Fuck it.” And then I thought, “Do I have any earlier auto saves?” And it luckily turned out that I did.

I was able to keep my horse by opting to finish up some side quests and avoiding the dragon altogether. Dragons are trouble. I hate fucking dragons. Apparently long ago in the heyday of Skyrim, some dude was going through the game without attacking anyone and just using manipulation spells to get people to fight everything, including dragons, for him. That’s a good idea, except that most NPCs can’t fight for shit unless it’s against me or my horse.

Also, it turns out that the house you can but in Solitude is 25,000 gold. God damn! That’s five times the price of the home you can buy in Whiterun. It’s fucking ridiculous, but I increased my carrying capacity with the Steed Stone, so I can afford to be homeless for a little longer, I guess. Til my ship comes in, if you will.

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