Since acquiring the Wii U last Christmas, I realize that I haven’t written a single article for this goddamn blog. That was nearly seven months ago. It’s just that fucking good.
All right, no shit I’m unmotivated. Not just because this shit goes mostly unread, but I haven’t done any gaming that I could truly consider epic in a while. The games, they are fun and more beautiful than ever, but my enthusiasm toward them has somewhat dwindled in the face of life, as I suppose it must for every exhausted bi-polar middle-aged alcoholic drone just trying and mostly failing to make ends meet. Do you forgive me yet?
Well, EpicuziplayiT, as 99% of your reading audience, no, I do not. Get your shit together, pal. Write something like you give a fuck. You can pull your life out of the toilet later.
Right. Um. Video games R fun and somefing.
And what games would those be, Epi? Can I call you “Epi?”
I guess so. And let’s just list the acquisitions here because I need to remind myself.
Mario Kart 8
Super Smash Bros. Wii U
Bayonetta 1&2 for Wii U
Dragon Quest X Online for Wii U
Metroid (3DS Virtual Console)
Shadowgate Remake (Steam)
Half Life 1 (Steam)
The Stanley Parable (Steam)
Portal 2 (Steam)
The Dig (Steam)
Bioshock Infinite (PS3)
Whoa, wait, you got Bioshock Infinite?
Yeah man. For like $5.
Whoa! How is it?
Well, it’s like pretty good. I don’t know, I only played a couple hours of it.
What the fuck?! How were you even able to put it down?
Shut up, fuckhead! I’m not having a conversation with you anymore. Let me make clear that I’m not playing anything to the hilt at the moment. I’m fucking working and looking after my family all the time, and when there’s time for games, getting into hyperkinetic shooting matches with endless hordes of patrioracist zealot fuckholes simply isn’t my idea of unwinding. I barely have the energy to Smash, motherfucker. But Smash I do, because it’s an important ritual, and the best game I’ve got. Here, I’ll rave about Smash for a minute.
Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U is fun as shit, and Smash is Smash as ever. The connectivity is so good that I can even play online with my original Smash crew who live scattered all across the globe. It’s a tradition that we’ve been at since the first iteration on the 64, and I’m extremely pleased with how Nintendo has encouraged us to keep at it all these years. I fucking love those guys. Okay that’s it.
Other than that, I’m mostly just gaming to distract me from the grim ponderings of reality and abject catatonia, although there is an item in that list of games that’s gotten some special attention and is about to get some serious coverage here because I’m paying out the ass for it, and want something to remember it by when I finally hang it all up. It’s about to get Dragon Questy as fuck up in here, people, so buckle up your cursed belts and get ready for slime time.